One Christmas my mom got my sisters and I nutcrackers. You know, the little metal tool you actually use to crack nuts open. Mom laughed and laughed at her own joke while we looked at her like she was crazy, although that really wasn't so unusual.
Anyway...
I know you'll never guess that I unwrapped a shiny, new, gleaming, expensive, sharp, forged steel head, unbreakable handle, lightweight, evenly balanced axe. It has the obligatory caution sticker on it with the usual blah, blah, approved eye protection, blah, blah, blade is sharp, keep from children... and guess what else it says on there? "Use cutting edge for cutting wood only."
Why on earth did I get an axe?
For cutting chicken heads off... obviously. "For cutting wood only", WHATever.
WARNING: There is a headless chicken picture posted below, so don't get all mad at me if things like that upset your delicate stomach, and you chose to keep reading anyway, even though I warned you. It's not a horrible amount of blood, but I'm just saying.
As much as I can, I try to put food that we grew and knew on our table. At times, I admit it can be rather entertaining. Getting this poultry project going was quite an experience. My main goal was to establish a flock of laying hens, but there were a number of roosters that had to be dispatched along the way. There is a good chance we will do meat chickens in the future, and I almost have my husband convinced we should try turkeys too.
This is me last summer, with a freshly beheaded rooster. Don't worry, he earned it, BIG time. I thought about letting the hens eat his testicles, but that just seemed wrong, even though "cruel and unusual punishment" could have been his middle name.
Do I look just a little bit too thrilled?
He was one mean son of a lady chicken.
Yes, I did chop his head off myself, and despite what you'll read below, he was small enough (and I was determined enough) that I did do it ALL by myself.
The axe I used last summer is double sided, with a four foot long wooden handle, and I swear if that thing weighs ten pounds, it weighs fifty. It is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to hold a chicken's legs in one hand, while stretching it's neck out across a tree stump with a rake, and swing that hefty axe with the other hand. Believe me, I have tried. And even if you could do it, I don't know how on earth you could ever aim that thing properly to squarely hit your target.
The blade on the old axe is also curved, so unless the strike is made in exactly the right place, it won't take a chicken head clean off in one swing. Chickens have a lot of feathers which makes it hard to see where, exactly, to aim. So you see, even though the chicken would feel nothing after the first whack, it's chop, chop, chop... you get the idea. Lots of fun (not really).
So, besides being quite an ordeal, the axe swinging is a two handed job, which by default makes chicken slaughtering a two person job.
Actually there is a way around it, but my chicken slaughtering procedure isn't that streamlined yet.
That shiny axe, it was actually quite a thoughtful gift. Unfortunately, the blade on the new axe is only about five inches long.
Hmmmmm... I think I might return it for a machete.
3 comments:
One thing to say- turkeys are an absolute 2 person slaughter job. The first time I experienced it, I was thrown back on my butt in the coop poop. I had no idea the strength the headless beast would have! Good luck.
I'm in awe! That headless chicken doesn't look as bad as I would have imagined in my head. I would like to be the kind of woman that could butcher a chicken, but I think that would take some working up to. Just last year I was finally able to bait my own hook when fishing. I am very impressed!
You are SUCH a farmer's wife! I have such a boring life compared to yours! I gotta learn me a new skill...like milking a cow or sewing a quilt to make myself feel better! : )
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