4th of July random

My multiple choice 4th of July post last year was an awful lot of fun to write. I entertained the thought of making it a tradition. I'm aware that the 4th was well over a week ago. Don't worry, I won't let that stop me.

If you can't handle a heap of random awesomeness, run far and fast.

Drumroll please...

Some of us fantasize about the lake all winter, and once again it didn't disappoint...
a. because the weather was perfect and our sunblock did it's job.
b. even though there was a dead cow floating around the bend.

c. because the boys took swimming lessons a few weeks ago, and although the instructor just tossed the hesitant kids into the water and let them bawl, our boys are now fish.
d. because we convinced the little brother it was okay to pee in the lake.
e. all of the above.

A camel cricket pooped on the little brother, which caused...

a. him to scream like a little girl.
b. his cousin to be a hero. (I laughed out loud at that ridiculous thought as I typed it)
c. it to escape.
d. his mother to... ummm, I've completely forgotten where I'm going with this.

How about that dead cow!

I took one picture in full automatic mode...
a. just to see what would happen.
b. to prove that I'm not a photo snot. Or, because I couldn't reach the focus button on the backside of my camera. Ah... ah... ah... Ah-chooo!

c. even though I knew it would need some hefty correcting before it was worthy to be processed to a jpg.
d. because my Bean moves at the speed of light, and it's a crying shame how few pictures I have of myself with her.
e. all of the above.

I managed to get myself out of kitchen duty by sticking my arm into the toilet, which was a direct result of...
a. The Bean.
b. simple physics.
c. the previous bathroom occupant not changing the toilet paper.
d. too much alcohol.

This picture is brought to you by...

a. my uncle telling me exactly where I should park my tripod for the best view, and me telling him I had other plans. (Hi Dave!)
b. a cactus that just happened to be precisely where I kneeled, which felt strangely familiar.
c. that darn flag mocking me to get this photo, all the live long day.
d. an eight second exposure.
e. all of the above.

His Perspective

My plumber sometimes moonlights as a photographer. He makes cameras out of legos, and describes them in intricate detail. He can talk about his aperture and shutter speed, his fancy lenses and his batteries that last for one hundred years... and the hot shoe for his speedlight.

I have absolutely no clue where on earth he gets these ideas.

*cough*

I don't have a speedlight.

When he agreed to help by taking some pictures today, his excitement very quickly turned to panic. "Mommy! I don't know how to use that camera!"

"I made it easy for you. I turned this dial to automatic. All you have to do is peek through the window and push this button." Then I showed him how to hold the big camera in his small hands.

"WOW! Thanks for teaching me how to take pictures Mom!"

And then I practiced the relaxation techniques that I learned in the childbirth class I took exactly seven years ago. Although the camera in his hands may have been a beat-up second-hand malfunctioning entry level dSLR... I do not have any cheap lenses in my camera bag.

The safety lesson was longer than the photography lesson. We put the camera strap around his neck as insurance.

I took pictures of the photographer. The rest are his. He's shooting a gripped Canon XTi with a 50mm f/1.4 lens.



Asparagus:



Raspberries:



Popcorn maze:
I moaned about the fact that a number of the popcorn plants didn't grow. His perspective? "But LOOK at how many of them DID GROW!"





Flowers waiting for a real flower bed, enduring too much direct sun:







"I GOT YOU MOM!"



I'm dressed like a vampire because I sunburn faster than a naked hen.

Onions and Beets:



Garlic:



Ummm...

"Hey kiddo, you know those are weeds. Right?"

"No they aren't."

"Yes they are."

"No they aren't!"



"Yes they are. I skipped that part when I weeded. Now they're really tall."

"Oh."

*Click*



Flowers that he chose, in the swingset:



Strawberries hanging out in the swingset:
His daddy built a new raised bed and we will plant these today!



This KinderGARDEN update has been brought to you by the letter E, and the number 7. Well, almost seven.

KinderGARDENS week 9

Pool guest

Exhibit A: The pool guest



If The Bean doesn't want to hold the pool guest, it's perfectly reasonable to put it on her leg instead. Frogs get tired of swimming sometimes too. Obviously.



Once the amphibian is sufficiently rested, it's time to put him through a "pool blender".

Yes, the poor thing is in there. I didn't realize it at the time.



Which is a worse fate? Being taken captive to entertain a few young monkeys for the afternoon... or meeting a voracious miniature dinosaur chicken in a dark alley?

I guess it's over faster when poultry is involved.

You Capture - Water

Thirteen years

I counted three times just to be sure. It was thirteen years ago.

Thirteen years sounds like a long time, but it's not.



He wore his Marine Corps dress blues. I had daisies in my hair.

It was the best Monday morning ever.

I'd marry him again.

One of those dreams

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you find yourself in the middle of a field...

You accidentally kneel on a dragonfly.



And then you sit on a thistle.

You let your hair down for a few self portraits.

Then you step on two of your hair clips. This frustrates you immensely not because they're broken, but because it means you're leaving more than footprints behind. It's impossible to get all those little smashed bits of plastic out of the earth.

The next morning, your two year old Bean greets you with a look of horror while pointing at your face and squealing, "Mommy! Owie!"

Sure enough, you look in the mirror and find a wood tick attached to the side of your face. You think to yourself, "Really? On my face? Am I still dreaming?"

But you know how dreams go.



Sometimes they're weird, but perfect.



Sometimes you remember the details.



And sometimes you don't.

The boys own Garden #1

She glares at the two packets of seed in her hand, both with "Walmart" printed on the top right corner. So tragic, Walmart as a seed source. But the end of June is fast approaching and hypocrite or not, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Her excuse? It was for the kids, so perhaps it wasn't such an irrational purchase. And anyway, no one needs to know where those seeds came from.

Ahem.

The boys fly out the front door and race their mother to the garden corral. The path they plot is more direct than hers, of course, but it intersects the electric fence. Apparently they don't see this as a problem. Mom yells. They yell back.

Easy. They will simply slip underneath the fence.

Mom yells again. The listen-now-or-else warning. You know the one.

Homemade chocolate malts are on the line, and in the end, beating mom to the corral isn't worth losing a special afternoon treat. The boys come trudging up through the garden gate behind their mother.

The first job is to weed the popcorn maze. The weed to popcorn ratio is at that critical get-it-done-now-or-struggle-forevermore point. The sun is blazing. It isn't long before the complaining begins.

Mom explains that the maze is going to be an awful lot of fun, but the popcorn seedlings will die if the weeds aren't removed. Planting is hard work. Weeding is hard work. Mulching isn't too bad. After that, it's all fun and games.

They decide the reward is worth the sweat. Their mom is proud.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Four fence posts are driven into the ground, then fencing up and around. Boys are in charge of zip-ties as they secure the fencing to the posts. They giggle and joke about planting chocolate chips.

Morning Glory seeds look just like bits of chocolate. Who knew?

Two faces look in disbelief at the big seeds in their hands. They try, and fail, to imagine the height these sunflowers could reach. Seed are pressed firmly into the ground. Their mother imagines the wind these sunflowers will have to withstand. She shakes her head and imagines twelve to twenty foot tall sunflowers lying fallen on the ground.

Planting is done. The boys own Garden number one.

Now the waiting.







KinderGARDENS week 7

Tough guy

Nothing like a pair of "Iron Man" sunglasses to bring out the inner tough guy in an almost-seven (what? how?) year old. Not that he even knows who "Iron Man" is.

I'll be the first to admit, this hazy look is really not my style. But I think maybe it does add a bit of superhero magic.



He's been practicing his "tough-guy" moves on our Red Rooster.

Yes, it's as funny it sounds. Maybe even more so.

Me: "What is going on out here?"

Tough guy: "Mommy, I'm trying to be brave!"

I Heart Faces - "Let's hear it for the boys!"