What Arnold doesn't know

***Warning*** This blog post may contain disturbing images. Mommas, cover your babies eyes appropriately.

ban·tam [ban-tuhm]
noun
1. a chicken of any of several varieties or breeds characterized by very small size.
2. a small and feisty or quarrelsome person.
adjective
3. diminutive; tiny: bantam editions of the classics.

We'll go with definition number one, although number two is fascinating and truly, I had no idea my Bean could be classified as such. I've mentioned a time or two that Arnold, he is an adorable little thing, fun-sized (as my friend Rachel would say). He is a mini-chicken. A Bantam.


That's a naked corn cob on the ground beside him, for comparison.

Except he doesn't know this.

Also, his size? The reason my own offspring aren't afraid of him.


The wrong kind of perspective, Arnold looks huge relative to my boy because the bird is way closer to the camera.

Being a Bantam isn't a handicap for Arnold. Oh, no. Not in the least. As I said, he doesn't know he is a Bantam, and I, for one, am certainly not going to suggest it to him. Being fully mature now, Arnold has taken on the responsibility of every single one of his Mr. Big-Stuff Rooster duties. His small stature hasn't *ahem* slowed him down any. At least it doesn't stop him from trying.

Big Red, on the other hand, gets business done.

If you know what I mean.


Oh, honestly. Didn't you always wonder how they did it?

Timing is everything. I tell you the sad truth: My littler boy just walked through here, stopped to tell me they broke the light in their room, glanced at the computer and.... "Mommy, what is that?" Life on the farm. People, he knows what that is.

Ummm... I totally lost my train of thought there.

Okay, so... I swear I didn't go looking for that photo opportunity.

Lucky timing. Lucky, I tell you.

Not to give you a visual, or anything. Really, as if I would do that? It's more like "stackable poultry" when Arnold mounts to the task with one of the big girls. After a moment or two the hen becomes impatient, although it's quite an impressive - dare I even say "valiant attempt" on his part. She shakes poor Arnold off since she has much better things to do (like scratching at the ground), and walks away. Then, of course, Arnold crows. Because he's such a big proud handsome successful fella, like all roosters are.

Or!

Lord have mercy. Red catches them in the middle of it.



This is the more humiliating option for our little hero.

It's easy to understand that Red finds this completely unacceptable, since he is The Ruler of The Universe. He runs at the busy couple and kicks Arnold in exactly the way that only a jealous rooster can, launching him straight into the air like a space shuttle headed for yonder far reaches of our atmosphere.

The good news? We do have three sweet tiny little Bantam hens.

The bad news? Arnold doesn't seem to have noticed them yet.

An Afternoon

We have the teeny tiniest bit of snow. It's almost comical. Last year at this time I'm pretty sure we had five thousand inches stacked up and blowing all over the place. I could probably dump a bag of flour on the ground and make a picture similar to this one. Except the dog and chickens are rude, and flour is edible. So, actually, no. I couldn't do this with flour.



I might have to try, though. Since I brought it up and everything.

Yet another January day that did not feel like a January day. I could so get used to this. Yet another weekday afternoon with merely an hour remaining until the school bus returns and I have to face the music. Four o'clock frightens me.

The singing competition between our two roosters became more interesting than drawing in the snow with naked corn cobs. We wandered that direction. Dust and I'd-rather-not-know-what-that-is sparkled in mid-air, caught by beams of light streaming through the barn. He was fascinated.



Sometimes I daydream about a vacation where I just sit in front of the barn, in the warm sunshine, with some of these fuzzy critters. The easy life. That's what this is. Especially when January is wearing March temperatures. Especially when you have a South-facing barn with white paint that creates a practically tropical micro-climate right there.



Did I mention planning my garden? I have big ideas for last year's sunflower stalks.



Did I mention how much we looooooove Arnold? We do. So much. Arnold, on the other hand, does not appreciate how much we admire his adorable little self. At all.

Run Arnold! RUN!!!


It looks like he's just standing there, but that is one of his legs up behind him. Running for his life.

Five-word Headlines

I've got an entire orchard full of blog topics just ripe for the picking. But you know how it goes, when ripe you must pick now, or they drop and rot into a squishy mess on the ground. And you have to make your way through what you've harvested within a relatively narrow window of time, or you're left with baskets of stinking blog topics in your entry-way that you really should have taken care of three days ago. By then, it's too late. And too dang bad if you used wicker baskets. Good luck getting those clean.

And so, I think (painful as it may be), I'll just let you skim the headlines. I haven't got a clue which to actually write. Eh, or none. Perhaps tomorrow will bring something even more exciting?


Aurora Supplier Fails to Deliver

iPad App Eliminates Rooster Predicament

Daughter Steals Dad's Jackass Calendar

Feminine Hygiene Product Review Thrills

Book Relocation Project Alarms Mother

Oppressed Hens Plead for Rescue

Dreadful Road Attacks Tire Again

Abandoned Christmas Tree Claims Corner

Kid's Brain Deletes Spelling Words

Mittens Missing, Boy Launches Attitude

Intriguing Shoelace Knot Kryptonite Discovered

Ladybugs Replicate on Cardboard House

Curious Preschooler Counts Snowman's Balls

Aurora Prediction

The space weather forecast is pointing to some of us Northerners seeing dancing colored lights in the sky tonight. The sun flare was a big one, and the coronal mass ejection it produced should hit Earth sometime today. If you've got clear skies tonight, look North. It's supposed to be a nice one.

Some useful and interesting links:

3-Day Space Weather Prediction

POES Satellite Map

Kp Index - should go into the red zone later today

Edited to add:

Real-Time Auroral Oval (map)

Short-term Forecast

Honestly, I missed them

Guilty. I hadn't been out to the barn since Friday.

The kitchen table was wiped clean. The floor was vacuumed. Forks and spoons and a spatula and garlic-press were heaped up on a dishtowel. I still had to dry them. Life is just too short to spend time drying dishes. I usually let them air dry but the pile that time... way too big. The laundry I asked the boys to bring down was still strewn across half the stairway.

I heard the door and he came stomping in.

I knew what I should do but still asked, "Do I need to go to the coop?"

"No", he answered, "but you could go anyway." He gave me an update on which animals were in which odd places. It's like a page out of a Dr. Seuss book out there sometimes. Rather entertaining.

"Did you check for eggs?"

He forgot to do that.

No doubt they wouldn't freeze before morning tucked underneath someone's fluffy bottom. That's the nice thing about hens in the winter. Eggs are for sitting on, and the instinct to do so, apparently, is very strong. I would collect them in the morning.

And anyway, it wasn't that cold out.

My littler boy zoomed past me.

If I could bottle up even a quarter of his energy this house wouldn't have a chance. Every drawer, every closet, every spiderweb and spec of dust would be my victim. He shrieked like a little girl when I caught him with my wet hands. Running through the kitchen is risky business when a busy Mom would rather be doing something else.

I folded him into as compact a little package as I possibly could, and held him in my arms like a tiny baby. He giggled.

"I'm going to take you to my nest and sit on you to keep you warm", I told him as I headed for my comfy chair.

"No you're not!", he squealed.

...

Morning comes too soon. Monday again.

The wind howled all night long. It should have been our first second (third?) real winter storm of the season. We lucked out again. Maybe an inch of snow? Maybe two? Maybe it all blew away?

The bus comes.

I figure I'll take some crappy pictures just to post here. Because blogging is always better with pictures. And, well, I need to make a trip to the barn.

Ah, Arnold. You make me laugh, every.single.time.


"squeak-a-croak-a-squeeeeeeeeakkkkkk"

Sure enough, Miss Fuzzbutt has done what she is compelled to do, like I knew she would. I thank her for keeping the eggs warm through freezing temperatures overnight, and then wreck her morning by stealing them.



There's some metallic rattling noise on the other side of the coop wall. Odd. The girls are snooping around where they don't belong, looking very comfortable doing so, and now Mercy looks guilty.



It's an unauthorized empty nest and the dog knew about it. Payment for being their bodyguard, I guess. Game on. Next time I'll get them first.

And this... I have the birds trained. It's funny.

Hello? Where are they all?



I sing... "CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICK!!!!"

... wait for it ...

Here they come!



And Arnold is still singing squeaking to no one in the coop.

January

My husband left the weather forecast on the computer, just to be sure I saw it first thing when I walked into the kitchen... the luxury of a laptop. Instead I force my eyes away from the screen as I shut it. Denial can be such a beautiful thing.

I step out into the darkness.

The morning feels crisp, but it's just cold, not COLD. The door behind me closes and instantly its window fogs over. I watch for a moment while my bundled kid disappears from my view even more as he breathes on the glass. That distant growing humming squealing squeaking of the school bus echos off the barn. He's ready and waiting. I speed through a list in my head, and yes, I do believe we remembered everything today. I turn and head towards the barn.

I've got garden dirt all over my hands in January. It makes me smile. I'm sorting through these living treasures in my warm house. The paper grocery bag crinkles as I roll them around, choosing. My potatoes have sprouted, but they're still usable. I make my selection, and then have mud running over my hands as I rinse them off in the sink.

Next summer's garden is on my mind.

Two and a half bulbs of garlic remain in a lunch-sized paper bag. Onions too, some mine, some from a neighbor, some trying to grow. Carrots from a pink plastic bag that was tucked into the least accessible corner of my fridge last fall. Broth from my freezer, from my crock-pot, from my own chicken, from my hand. Soup that fills my soul. A higher level of satisfaction than simply cutting, chopping, stirring the pot. Providing.

The forecast mocks me from across the room. I want to check my email, and I can't continue this blissful ignorance. My eyes go straight to our low for tonight. It's that number.

I groan.

It's that big fat curvy number that even the hardiest of us prairie dwellers must admit is... well, sort of cold. It's that number where I weigh the risk of someone getting his tail feathers in a heat lamp and burning the whole barn down, versus the benefit that little bit of heat might give.

I had such hope we wouldn't go there this winter.

-20F

And the wind. There it is, an Extreme Cold Warning.



I think I have a garden to plan.

A few things

Way too many orders of business for one blog post. But what the heck, here we go. Feel free to bail out at any time.

1. Scavenger Hunt at Ashley's
I've *ahem* lost the battery charger for my big camera. Tragic (or fortuitous?), I still have my old camera. And after falling off a 100 year old chair, which earned me a 5 inch long dandy of a bruise on my thigh, and tossing that XTi across the room where it left a quarter inch deep gash in the table... it seems to be working better than ever. Lucky, lucky me.

Stacked up:
(this was taken with my full frame)


Winter Wonderland:
Look! We got some snow! What a bizarre winter.


Sweet:
I think Arnold has a girlfriend.


Hole:
Hey Bean, were you trying to get that cupcake into the big hole on your face? You missed.


Frozen:
I mean, not really.... frozen. That hen could be in my freezer, you know. Not that I would do that, or anything.




2. Clickin' Moms

Friends, that button on the side of my blog, the one that looks something like this...


That's an affiliate link. If you decide to become a member, and if I have been the one to introduce you to Clickin' Moms, please... please. For the love of all things photography.... click through my button when you join so I can receive credit for referring you.

If you have questions about the forum, email me. oldnicholsfarm(at)yahoo(dot)com

I'll convince you that your photography will become fabulous overnight, and you won't have to put any work into it whatsoever (at all). Ha. Hahaha! But really, it is an amazing resource.



And, yes, they have a week-long trial membership for only $10.


3. Flickr

I thought it was obvious by now, but apparently not.

I. am. on. flickr. Add me as a contact, friend, whatever. Really, it's okay.

When left-clicking is enabled for a photo on my blog, it'll take you straight to flickr to see activity/comments on that image over there. If you care about such things.


4. Project 52

There is a tab (button thing, click!) under my blog header that says Project 52. This is my little year-long photography project for 2012. Just something to keep pushing me. I'll update that page with a new photo weekly - probably Saturdays since I am a master procrastinator.


5. Carsen's Courage

I love this beautiful lady. I love her sweet family. I love her adorable kid. Her selfless determination to give him the very best of every opportunity is inspiring to say the least. Life isn't easy for Carsen, but what he has overcome already... brings me to tears.



I'm not only lucky enough to know them in real life, but to be related.

Kelly is hosting a Thirty-One bag giveaway - a great excuse to check out her blog.

If nothing else, read this post: Carsen's Courage.
(if you click, read the entire page, and have a box of tissues handy)

Friday in random

Beans in the crockpot.

Not The Bean. That would just be wrong.


{not winter - July}

Banana muffins in the oven. I set the temperature to 350 degrees and it bounces to 450 and then 225. It's a wonder I manage to successfully cook anything in there. I've generally stopped complaining about it because shopping for a new one will be painful.

Cats in a pile. This is what they do when it feels like winter. Just outside the barn, in the sun, out of the wind. I'll never get a good picture of it, because they scatter when they hear the door. When the cat-heater is involved, it's similar to this:


{imagine a couple more felines and you've got it}

Winter in North Dakota?

We've had days here and there that felt like winter, and most of one week with a couple inches of snow on the ground that looked like winter. Really, it's been a gorgeous November, December, and first part of January too. We've gone below zero (F) maybe twice. I finally gave up on my last mini-greenhousesometime in early December. Parsley, if you must know.

Overdressed in January:



Now that it finally feels to me that our unseasonably warm days might be over, and winter has possibly tried to settled in... this is still not bad for mid-January here. Not bad at all.



Selfish me wants to say, "We totally deserve this after the last three winters (and Spring flooding) we barely survived dealt with." But it's far from over yet. Or maybe the last few years have been so harsh that I've completely forgotten what winter can be like.

Internet in warp speed!

Last night we actually measured what we're getting with our Wildblue Satellite Internet. Yeah, that's right. I'm finally gonna come right out and say it. They're way over-subscribed and their service stinks. We should be getting 0.512 Mbps downloading and 0.128 Mbsp uploading. That's what we're paying for.

Guess what we actually have?

It doesn't matter if you don't even know what then numbers mean. It's still impressive. We measured at 0.17 Mbps downloading and 0.05 Mbps uploading. That's what we have.

But Monday! Oh, sweet Monday when our fiber optic is hooked up and we're set free from this pain... 20 Mbps glory that I can't even imagine!

Liar in confession...

Forgive me. I lied, and I'm pretty sure I knew it. This image is really my favorite of my best from last year.

January 10 on 10

8:21am
"Ummm... excuse me. Did you eat my mouse?"


9:22am
The breakfast of champion chicken wrestlers. There were no un-funky-looking leftovers in the fridge, so I had to improvise. And yes, she steals my food every darn time.


10:54am


11:46am
Multi-tasking. Obviously.


12:58pm
Not sleeping, just snuggly.


2:53pm


3:50pm
January 10th in North Dakota. It could be -30F.


5:34pm


6:54pm
Spelling. Getting back into the swing of things after Christmas break is tough.


8:59pm
Only two? Those nutty birds of mine have a secret stash somewhere, I just know it.

Then I dropped one in the sink and smashed it, which is better than in my pocket, at least.

Room in the Barn

The kids were in bed. I bet it was forty minutes we'd spent, standing there in the kitchen reading bits and pieces of what we'd scrounged up on the internet. He, surprisingly, seemed almost receptive to the idea. I was giddy.


I headed across the room to look for a snack but stopped right in the middle of the floor, and started jumping up and down like a two-year-old.

"I want an emu!"

He raised his eyebrows.

I couldn't stop.

"I want an elephant!"

Completely ridiculous ideas make not quite as ridiculous ones look even better.


"We will never have an elephant", he said. Matter of fact. (see, the emu has a chance)

But that seemed beyond ridiculous to me.

"What if we live in India someday? Then we might have an elephant."


"We will never have an elephant", he repeated.

"But think how the kids will laugh watching it splash around in the pool!"

He gave me that look, "What am I gonna do... drive it to work?"

Best 11 of 2011

Choosing your own best pictures of an entire year is difficult, but it's a good exercise. Being pushed to select my ONE favorite out of those? Cruel and unusual punishment. It involved snipping little bits of paper and taping them over thumbnails of the images on my computer screen. Once I had it down to three it became an impossible task.

11. "Circle of Life"

I might have maybe promised one of my readers I wouldn't post any more pictures of dead animals, but this one wasn't dead. Yet. And this is art. Or so I've been told.

10. "Taking it All In"

I Heart Faces "Beautiful Eyes" 8th place

9. "The Decisive Moment"


8. "Back to School"


7. "Into the Light"

featured on Mortal Muses - Life in B&W

6. "My Little Melons"

earned a link on Shutter Sisters for being silly (self portrait)

5. "Tiny Joy"

featured on Clickin' Moms blog

4. "Time Never Rewinds"

If I were ranking these by raw emotion alone, this of my boys would be my favorite by a mile.

3. "Hold Me"

"I Heart Faces" winner. The judge: my most favorite photographer. *I must be dreaming*

2. "Past Bedtime"


1. "Fairytale Afternoon"


Thanks for looking!

Last year: Favorite 10 of 2010.

linking up with "You Capture"



Edited to say: Confession time. I lied. This one is really my favorite.