Facing myself

Pushing onward from this post.

I have this super-cool framed mirror that I bought at an antique store, eleven years ago or something like that. It's not even really an antique, but it's just so fancy and classy, I love it so much.

Opposites attract, you know.

I had this idea to prop it up against a tree.

I had to take the Bean with because it was nearly supper time and that is one task which she has declared cannot be completed without her in my arms. {sigh} I try, people, I really do try.

So here is me, the momtographer.



I like that she's out of focus, and I am forcing myself to be the subject. It's usually all about the kids.

Please also link back to me in your post so others can join in too! Also, the few of you who want to play, I would love to continue this self-portrait adventure in a community setting. Maybe weekly is too much. Let me know what you think. Monthly?

On forgiving

I've mentioned that my boys have been fighting non-stop lately. After time-out they are required to apologize and forgive one another, and most of the time, I believe they honestly mean it. They've gotten as good at becoming friends again as they are at being mean to each other.

Practice makes perfect, I guess.

One day recently when the mosquitoes were particularly bad, my oldest boy was flopping around the house, moaning and complaining because I wouldn't let him outside to play. The mosquitoes were that bad. I could have dipped him in a vat of DEET and they would still have eaten him alive.

"Mommmmmmmy, I wish there was no mosquitoes. Ever. {grumble, grumble, grumble} Why are there mosquitoes!"

I don't really know why I chose the words I did, but I was tired of his arguing. I simply said, "Because our world is not perfect."

Days later my littlest boy landed in my lap and asked "Why is our world not perfect?"

Wow.

"Because Adam and Eve disobeyed God when they lived in the perfect garden." Obey and disobey are words that are heard frequently around here. This kid has a very intimate knowledge of what they mean.

He gave me a defiant look, transformed into the I-am-pushing-my-limits version of himself and growled at me, "And I will disobey God too."

I'm sure he expected me to tell him no. "Yes, you will, everyone does."

His eyes got big, and his face softened.

I continued, "But you'll say you're sorry."

He was listening.

"And then what will God do?", I asked.

A big smile came over his face, and he looked right into my eyes as he whispered so softly that I almost couldn't hear it, "forgive".

A self-discovery journey

Something I have been wanting to do for awhile now is a self-portrait.

I am the one always behind the camera. Photos of me with my kiddos are few and far between, but I have only myself to blame for that. I only need to throw the camera at someone and ask. And really, I must do that more.

The other day I realized I can use the timer on my camera, and still shoot in full manual mode. Oh, joy! The possibilities began to swarm around in my head, crashing into one another, joining together and breaking apart again. What to do? What to do!

So I did.

And in doing so, I had a profound realization, and it shook me hard. Hiding behind the camera as photographer is one thing, but looking into the lens as the shutter opens and closes is something else entirely. It left me vulnerable and exposed. It was me, not having showered for two days, with all my emotions and confusion and passion. It was me, the real me that is still there underneath the weight of laundry and dirty dishes that will never be done, underneath the fog of nights with children who do not sleep, the me that was left after pulling the baby off my hip and removing the preschoolers that attach themselves to my legs like Velcro.

I hate pictures of myself.

But there I was, and I actually loved it!

Then, I happened across the post Hello You at Shutter Sisters, and I wanted to jump up and down and scream "YES!".

Suddenly it all came crashing down on me like a flood.

There is no limit to the ways a creative self-portrait could show who I really am, no end to the fantasy an artful self-portrait could evoke or show the dreams that I hope for. The angle, the light, the focus, other subjects or items included in the shot... Me as mom. Me as writer/friend/photographer/lover/gardener. Me as simply Jess, a child of God, forgiven just as I am.

I want to take a self-portrait every day!

Well, not every day. I just don't have time for that, no matter how amazing the journey of self-discovery may be. I am a mom, you know.

I want to invite you to join me on this journey. I have no doubt it will change the way I see myself. I want to start a weekly self-portrait adventure.

The rules will be simple (in as much as there are always rules, my three-year old is becoming painfully aware of that fact).
1. You must be in the photograph in some way.
2. You must be the one to snap the shot.
3. Include a link back here to The Old Nichols Farm. (I'll try to get a grab button assembled.)

I will get the first {Not Absolutely Sure of the Name Yet} linky up on Saturday.

Find a camera. Any camera. Hold it out at arm's length, or point it at a mirror, or if it has a timer figure out how it works and find a tripod or throw it on top of a pile of laundry or a tree stump. Just do it!

My friends who think you cannot take a decent photo to save your life, guess what, you can. Just show me you. A real you, a fantasy you, a laughing you, a frustrated you, a dreaming you. You can do it. If you don't have a blog, get yourself a free flickr account and link your picture up through there.

I AM EXCITED about this, and I sincerely hope some of you will come out to play!

An investment

Long, long ago, in a kingdom far, far away, someone packed up a small box. And on a day that would not otherwise have been nearly as exciting, it arrived on my doorstep.

Okay, so it was only two months ago, and really not so far away.

It smelled, ummm... funny. Sort of earthy and damp and not moldy, but kind of alive in the same way dishes that have been left by the kitchen sink for half a week smell, well, different. Does that make any sense at all?

They smelled weird.

By the way, I would never leave my dishes unwashed and my kitchen in a state of disarray because I have better things to do like gardening or blogging. Nope. Not me!

I stuck my face in the box. Yes, I did! Mmmmmm... it was wonderful!



Asparagus crowns!

Yes they're roots, but they're called crowns. Don't ask me why.

But I was also worried, because my garden was still very much a swamp, and we needed to get a nice raised garden bed built in a hurry. These lovely things needed to get into the ground, and they would not be happy to wait for long.

We needed to do this right, because asparagus takes a few years to become well established. But the time and attention it requires will pay off handsomely for at least a decade to follow.

My husband bought some cedar planks, I did not nearly have a heart attack when I found out how much they cost, and we did not argue about how the bed should be built because my way is always better. Then somehow he got the dumb thing built to my satisfaction, in the rain, with a three-year-old helping (which as you know is always a time saver if nothing else).

You see, people, this is why I married a super-hero!

And they grew!



Want to learn something new? Don't you just love when I ask that!

Way back in the day, The Church banned asparagus from nunneries because, well, look at that picture again and use your imagination. You can read about that and be entertained to no end by local-food fanatic Barbara Kingsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, which I highly, highly recommend.

And, my photography friends, did you notice the problem with that photo? Look closely at the bokeh (blurry background). Something annoying is going on that should never, ever be happening with Canon L series glass.

Here, I'll zoom in a bit for you. GAH! It bothered me like a mosquito bite for weeks until I figured it out!



There are parallel diagonal lines in the background bokeh. You see it? Completely unacceptable!

It was, in fact, not caused by my fancy lens. The Promaster UV filter my lens wears causes this to happen, but only when the lens is zoomed to full length.

Knowledge is half the battle. You're welcome.

(And I'll have you know... I did not finally just sit down on my butt one evening, in complete and utter frustration, and search google for the answer to all of my life's problems this crappy bokeh.)


Linking up with Macro Monday at Lisa's Chaos, and Not Me! Monday at MckMama.

A soggy bean

Once upon a time...

A little bean went to The Lake.



She couldn't believe it, there were rocks!



Such a trendy little bean, thought she'd try a new fashion.

Rock wearing.

Bottom rocks. Foot-bottom rocks, pant-leg-bottom rocks and the-bottom-you-sit-upon-bottom rocks.

Her Mama was proud.



But rock-wearing is so yesterday.

She ate them instead.



She sat.

And thought.



She was a happy soggy little bean. A fully-clothed soggy bean, and underneath it all, a cloth diaper as wet as any in the history of the world has possibly ever been before.

The little bean was as happy as she was wet.



What do you think, little sweetheart? Should we come to The Lake again, even if we find undigested gravel in your diaper in a few days?



Yes, little Bean. Oh yes, we will come to The Lake again.

Dog days of summer

Our You Capture assignment for this week was "water".

We discovered a little lake not too far from here, and even skipped church on Sunday so that we could go. Honestly, just getting through the service with our three monkeys is such a battle lately. I needed wanted a break from it. The lake was awesome. I knew my photos would be perfect for You Capture.

I warned a Grandma to watch the blog today for photos of a little bean sitting in a lake. I got so many great shots, if I do say so myself.

Then I changed my mind. I'm going to use my photos from yesterday for You Capture.

But you don't hold cuteness hostage from a Grandma. Oh, no no no no...

So here she is, my little bean (fourteen months old).



Sitting in a lake.

With all her clothes, and her cloth diaper. Completely soaked and as happy as a little soggy bean could possibly be.

Now with Grandma temporarily satisfied (I'll post more later), here is the fun that was our yesterday afternoon.

A dog day of summer!



Hot sunshine, a sprinkler, and a dog.

Yes, our dog that killed the fawn. I've forgiven her. Her name, Mercy, is appropriate in so many ways.



When you're dripping wet from head to toe, what could be better than finding a cool rock?



Darn kids! I wanted to shoot everything back-lit since the mid-day sunshine was so harsh. They had a blast moving the sprinkler around and I just couldn't keep up (since keeping my gear dry was my main priority).



Oh well, even front-lit I still love these!



You Capture - "water"

Entering the second photo (dog and boy in the sprinkler) at In a Yellow House - "Water" photo challenge.

A fawn waiting

I hesitated (for nearly two weeks) to post this photo.

The story played out so badly, and I was angry and felt guilty, even though it wasn't my fault. Of course, what I should have done is so clear in hindsight, although there is no guarantee it would have changed the outcome.

In the end I wondered how many of you might ever see this in nature, so raw and true and real... and I wanted to share.



If it weren't for my husband's quick thinking, and knowing something about deer, we would never have seen the tiny spotted fawn as it hid there, curled up in the grass waiting patiently for it's mother to return.

It hid well.

It was silent and still as I sat down nearby.

I wanted to wipe the mosquitoes off it's nose, but I dared not touch.

I hoped to get a photo at a really low angle, so I did reach out and flatten some of the grass in the way. It still isn't what I envisioned, but I couldn't have gotten the shot I wanted without completely invading it's space.

I was only a few feet away from the fawn, but it didn't matter that I was there with my camera. The truth is that the predator already knew where it was, even before I arrived.

Still I regret not wiping the mosquitoes off it's beautiful nose.


Linking up with In A Yellow House - "Nature" photo challenge.