Entirely worth it

I dread trips to MalWart. But this, well, it made the whole florescent light, sensory overload, having to interact with people, on the brink of disaster three year old, wobbly cart, how did I just spend $145, so help me God I am never coming here again event entirely worth it.

And it's a whole lot bigger than it looks, okay?



This puddle was directly behind my car. It was lovely trying to step around it while attempting to load up my trunk with the whatever that I had bought. The whatever was heavy. My car was muddy. And the space that was left between this... formerly-alive puddle... and my car, and the cart with my kid, was interesting to say the least. Meanwhile some old guy was washing the windshield of the car next to us, and then he way-too-cheerfully said, "Gotta take care of the boss!" as he jumped in a different car and drove away. But that's beside my point.

I don't know what my point is.

What type of bird, exactly, has three legs and one beak?

Does MalWart clean their parking lot, like, ever?

And why did I never share this creation from last year? It's my favorite.


credit to my sarcastic sister for the de-motivational poster concept and the caption

Late to the party

Scavenger Hunt at Ashley's!

1. What is it?



It's Arnold, the flying-trapeze circus chicken. That's what it is.

2. Children or Fur babies sleeping



3. Joy

This one only comes out of hiding when the house is very quiet.



4. Window

Taken through a wet window. Oh, MalWart, how I love to hate thee.



5. Half

Stuck

Once upon a time... I ate a bean and rice burrito for breakfast. And then I picked up a hula hoop.

Shall I continue?



Leftovers for breakfast is the right way to start my day. I might have mentioned that before.



My husband was supposed to go to Minneapolis for a few days, and I had this great big idea to make popcorn (or nachos?) and watch my moviethat I never get to watch. The extended version or whatever they call it. All by myself. Because my children do regularly sleep now for at least part of the night (seven and a half years later, but let's not talk about that).

Then his trip got canceled at the last minute and ruined all my plans.



But then!

My girlfriends called from The Big City (no, not that big city) and said they were going out. The moment my husband stepped through the door (on a day he wasn't even supposed to be here) I told him there was a squash in the oven and spelling words that needed to be practiced and the kids have rubber cheese stuck to the living room ceiling again oh and watch out there is a dishcloth dripping with orange juice in a bowl on the kitchen counter and I was gonna throw that in the wash but as you can see I'm cleaning up chicken poo and is there enough gas in the car because I am outta here.



Traffic on interstate was crazy busy for our humble rural area. Commuters? I'm sure many of you would think nothing of an hour and a half drive one way to work. All I could think was if I ever have to drive this daily, it is going to Stink.

We're a wild bunch. We closed the restaurant we met at and Target. When you're stuck with MalWart all the time like I am, Target is a bright colorful breath of fresh air.

So, the hula hoop....

I bought a sparkly girly-girl hula hoop at Target.

MalWart doesn't have hula hoops.

At least mine doesn't.

Did I just claim a MalWart as my own?



My kids have hardly let me put that hula hoop down. I guess it was entertaining, with that bean and rice burrito sloshing around in my stomach.

A confession and bad prints (scans?)

I already confessed mentioned that I shot my first roll of film with a real camera. I failed to mention confess that I took it to MalWart to be developed. I knew better. And I did it anyway.

I find it sort of satisfying to hate that big store.

Ah, MalWart, you met all my grand expectations once again. I know you have issues with printing digital pictures. I could talk about color casts and suffocatingly heavy contrast and blocked up blacks and details thrown away. But why bother? A consumer gets what they pay for. Every time. Most of us already know that.

That first roll turned out (mostly) very much as I expected. But then there were just a few pictures that turned out really dark. I mean like, really really something-is-wrong underexposed dark. I went back through all the settings I had used and it didn't make any sense to me.

Printing pictures is one thing. Developing film and scanning is another thing entirely.

Have no fear! MalWart to the rescue!

Exhibit A:
Why did this turn out so very dark? My settings should have been good. I don't get it.



Or maybe that's not what the image really looks like at all.

Exhibit B:
Digital scan MalWart sold me with that printed image. Still dark, but night and day from the print. Ummm... what?



Exhibit C:
The digital scan from image number three. The one where I laid the camera across my lap to take some notes and hit the shutter with my elbow while the lens was aimed at the sky. Oops. Nice, huh?

But look closer. Such quality!



Developing my own film with coffee?

Maybe next time.

And yes, you actually can.

The boys own Garden #1

She glares at the two packets of seed in her hand, both with "Walmart" printed on the top right corner. So tragic, Walmart as a seed source. But the end of June is fast approaching and hypocrite or not, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Her excuse? It was for the kids, so perhaps it wasn't such an irrational purchase. And anyway, no one needs to know where those seeds came from.

Ahem.

The boys fly out the front door and race their mother to the garden corral. The path they plot is more direct than hers, of course, but it intersects the electric fence. Apparently they don't see this as a problem. Mom yells. They yell back.

Easy. They will simply slip underneath the fence.

Mom yells again. The listen-now-or-else warning. You know the one.

Homemade chocolate malts are on the line, and in the end, beating mom to the corral isn't worth losing a special afternoon treat. The boys come trudging up through the garden gate behind their mother.

The first job is to weed the popcorn maze. The weed to popcorn ratio is at that critical get-it-done-now-or-struggle-forevermore point. The sun is blazing. It isn't long before the complaining begins.

Mom explains that the maze is going to be an awful lot of fun, but the popcorn seedlings will die if the weeds aren't removed. Planting is hard work. Weeding is hard work. Mulching isn't too bad. After that, it's all fun and games.

They decide the reward is worth the sweat. Their mom is proud.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Four fence posts are driven into the ground, then fencing up and around. Boys are in charge of zip-ties as they secure the fencing to the posts. They giggle and joke about planting chocolate chips.

Morning Glory seeds look just like bits of chocolate. Who knew?

Two faces look in disbelief at the big seeds in their hands. They try, and fail, to imagine the height these sunflowers could reach. Seed are pressed firmly into the ground. Their mother imagines the wind these sunflowers will have to withstand. She shakes her head and imagines twelve to twenty foot tall sunflowers lying fallen on the ground.

Planting is done. The boys own Garden number one.

Now the waiting.







KinderGARDENS week 7

Cows at sunset

Because really, I had nothing better to do.

{cough}

Actually, I was free. As free as a Red Rooster when he's not locked away in solitary confinement in the dog house. As free as a mom can be, when she has narrowly escaped the house armed with only a camera... and a grocery list.

No, people, I was fully dressed. Don't even go there.

Thank the good Lord we found the car keys. Today, I almost got all the dishes washed, almost got the whole main floor of the house vacuumed, almost got the entirety of the bathroom scrubbed. Almost lost my mind. Almost. It would have been fitting, in a depressing kind of way, had those keys remained at large as I would then have almost made it to town.

I was on my way to Walmart, ya'll! All by myself! Yeehaw!

I weep and wail and pour ashes on my head every time I have to shop there.

{sigh} But we can save that for another day.

At first they were all like, "What the heck?"



Cows are not very good models.

Move a few steps this way... now lift your head and look straight into the camera.

Or not.



Is it too much to ask just one of you to lift your head?



Apparently so.

Maybe I should have yelled or whistled to get their attention. Except that I have some kind of disability which causes me to be unable to whistle. I have tried, and tried, and tried. I just can't whistle.

And they're not my cows, so I didn't want to harass them.

AND I had not a clue how the cows were posing, because by this point, I was blind.

Public Service Announcement: Boys and girls, do not look at the sun. Do not look at the sun's reflection bouncing off a mirror. Do not look through a camera at the sun as it shines into your camera's lens and bounces off the mirror contained within the camera, causing it to shine directly through the viewfinder and straight into your eyeball.



Oh the pain and agony I went through to bring you this sun flare.


You Capture - "America"

So I'm late with this You Capture, but better now than when the cows come home.