"No film"
It was where he drew the line.
"No film"
This whole photography thing of mine is all his fault. When I was drowning under the deep darkness of depression, being smothered by undiagnosed hypothyroidism, in the midst of trying to understand one child with undiagnosed autism and utterly exhausted from dealing with another child who would never ever sleep, AND in complete and absolute denial that I was again pregnant... he was the one who told me to get a hobby. Something for me? Yes, the blame is squarely on him. But he carries it well.
Too well, perhaps.
As my skills outgrew my equipment, he gently pushed me toward the more... ahem...
But there has to be a line. Somewhere. And he drew it.
"No film"
For some reason, I casually mentioned it again. And again. Maybe it was something I read, that I thought was worth discussion. Or some quality of an analog image I saw, that dropped my jaw. Or some itch deep within me, that I didn't understand.
Or, possibly, three unused rolls of expired film rolling around in a drawer had something to do with it.
When it came to "if I spend my birthday money on this, and shoot one roll a month, would our marriage be over..." he sighed in loving defeat and told me I might as well get a
But that was where I drew the line. He didn't have the slightest clue what he was suggesting.
31. A new challenge: Fear of failure. Fear of success.
32. The perfect fit of an old beat-up Canon in my hand.
33. Expired Fuji 400 film.
34. Forced slowness.... the quiet of deliberately making every tiny decision for each click.
35. A notebook gathering much more information than I imagined. So much more than shutter speed, aperture and ISO.
36. My mind's view of the finished image.
37. The snap of a shutter that sounds like pure magic.
38. Not looking at the back of the camera even once.
39. Complete satisfaction in the face of delayed gratification.
40. Another reminder that I am human, as I simply enter "oops" in my notebook for image number three.
41. The entertainment my mother-in-law provided by her disbelief that I can't see the pictures on the back of the camera.
42. Listening to my boys oooh and aaaah after waiting so long to see the pictures.
43. Support and encouragement of a husband, even when I know he'd really rather not.
18 comments:
FILM!!! I think I might be with your husband and draw the line there..... I don't have much patience. But your images are enough to make me think about reconsidering... LOVELY captures ;D
OOOH film! Had to come take a break and read this post. How I love film! I was so sad the day my film Minlota broke- but on the flip side it did lead me to getting eventually... my new DSLR :)
So tell me- my only struggle when I was using film recently was that I had to pay so much to convert it so I could upload the pics to a computer. Do you have to do this, or is there an amazing camera out there that does film, but can upload to the computer? I have no idea!
oh- gotta go- babe is waking up!
Beautiful! Love that pepper shot, and your gorgeous faithful pal, and that you can’t see the pictures until they’re developed.
I love that with film you must be more deliberate in your actions, and have to slow down.
Although I now have to wonder if next you’ll be dreaming of a darkroom. :-)
What fun, Jess, and you, of course, not half-a**ing it. What is it about film shots that is different in such an appealing way?
And I've forgotten how satisfying the delayed gratification of shooting film is.
And I like what Susan had to say above! You can keep your dark room by your green house. ; )
That last one - those cattails - I could stare at it forever.
My husband might choke if I was shooting in film....yeah, I draw the line too.
Ha! I just found my old camera (film still in it) last week and got the instant itch to take it out to play. It's an old, not-so-expensive camera, but still..
Then I proceeded to push that itch back under my sleeve and ignore it. After seeing your shots and reading your post, that baby's coming back out to play!
Thanks for the inspiration!
Film, eh?
All I used to have was a Fuji film 35mm. It's still in my cupboard. ;)
One of my cousins refuses to go digital. She likes the excitement of waiting for the film to be developed, and seeing the results then.
Don't think I have the patience anymore. ;)
They look fabulous! (I knew they would). I think if I went with film, my whole notebook would be filled with "oops." :)
I was just thinking the other day about when I was in high school shooting film and the excitement over finally finishing a roll, and then the anticipation while it was developing. Ugh. I'm not sure I'd have the patience any more!
And thank the Lord for loving husbands who support expensive hobbies (although my husband has one of his own...) :)
What a lovely tribute. Much more eloquently put than my spousal support for my husband's elk hunting.
(Come on... film is much different than elk estrus perfume, right? :)
Lovely captures... you're doing something right.
I so love this. Really really love it. And the images are breathtaking, too. That last one....wow.
Beautiful!! And there is something special about waiting, waiting for those film pictures to come back so you can enjoy them. I liken it to getting a letter in the mail. An email card is nice, but there's something about a handwritten note that is better. Even though I haven't developed pictures in ages... I still see the merit. :-)
Good for you! Lovely pics, too. And here I thought he was drawing the line at no pictures of HIM! So funny, I read "film" and still assumed "digital!"
Oh boy- film- I think my hubs would have cut me off a long time ago if each click was costing him something. You take some amazing shots with FILM!
OMG, you got get a medium format camera? The pics are going to be AMAZING. I love that last shot of the cattails. And this comment made me laugh out loud... "The entertainment my mother-in-law provided by her disbelief that I can't see the pictures on the back of the camera."
No, no. No medium format! Just an old pro-level 35mm Canon.
Awesome Jess! It's like a little (big!) experiment! I have my parents old 35mm up in my closet...film still in it to. I could be inspired.....
YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
I have a (ruh-roh) canon film camera and "34. Forced slowness.... the quiet of deliberately making every tiny decision for each click." is so very true. You wait on bated breath for each click. I love that feeling. Um, I LOVE THAT FEELING.
Also, why did you cross off professional?
xo!
alita
PS. Anthony will be getting tested for aspergers at the end of the year. I understand in a way what you are going through, in a way. Similar but different I am sure. If you ever want to chat about it let me know.
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