February 10 on 10

8:49am
Breakfast thief strikes again. I need a granola superhero to save the day.


9:56am
Okay. Honestly? This electronic device is really stinkin' cool.


11:00am
Brother to sister: "There's no duck in your truck. Where aaaaaaaare they?"
Sister to brother: "Oh. They hiding."
Brother: "Nooooooooooooooo!"
Mom: "Dude. Where did you find a duck?"
Brother: "In the toybox"

{shirt reads "DADDY THINKS HE'S IN CHARGE", which does actually have a story behind it}

12:09pm
Evidence. Someone was making a computer again.


1:28pm
Naptime. Waiting for Ellie to come snuggle and purr.


2:17pm
What happens if you set the dial to automatic when you can't reach the focus button on the backside of the camera:


3:52 pm
I finally sat down to sort through the mountain of containers and lids that have been crawling across the kitchen floor for a day and a half. And... sabotaged again.


5:04 pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures:
Stop.
Drop your truck that doesn't have it's "rubbers" on.
Watch a movie.


6:09 pm
Headed in to town, way later than a sane Mom or Dad in this household would... to be social, which is also an irrational decision. I admitted to my husband that I was being a real raincloud about the whole thing. He tried to tell me that he had only recently become a more social guy, "I was just a late bloomer."
Me: "So you're saying I haven't bloomed yet."
Him: "Uh, no. It just took me awhile to grow up."
Thanks honey.


8:29 pm
The road back home. And yes, I may be anti-social but I did have a good time.


Ten on Ten

Sheet metal

Me: "Can you get me some sheet metal for that frame?"

Him: "How about corrugated sheet metal?"

Me, frowning: "Oh, we do have that"

Him: "How about pounded flat corrugated sheet metal? How about smashed flat with the loader bucket corrugated sheet metal? How about driven flat with a truck corrugated sheet metal?

I might have looked like I was considering which of those clever options would work best, but I was too busy rolling my eyes.


{maybe he didn't appreciate this helpful subliminal message}

Him: "How about smashed flat, held down with a 2500 pound tractor and pulled out from beneath the loader bucket with the truck corrugated sheet metal?"

Me: "Can't you just get a piece at that place... at the mall?"

It's like buying a shiny poster-board, maybe with sharper edges though if I really think about it. Like buying fabric. You hand over the measurements, they cut the stuff out, and deliver the goods right back.

Him, suspicious: "What place at the mall?"

Me: "No. Not the mall. That place, the... hardware store. Where you can get sheets of glass cut."

He taps away at the keyboard, his best excuse for ignoring me because that's the way it always goes down when he's reading and I'm talking. Unless I say the word sex. That always gets his attention. Every time. Except, obviously, I don't mean it in these types of circumstances, dear. I just want to see if some primal part of you is still involved in this conversation. He can't read and listen at the same time. At least that's what I've been lead to believe.

Me, suddenly brilliant: "What about the duct-work that's frozen to the ground all over the yard?"

People, we do white trash pretty well around here, if I do say so myself.

Him, unimpresed: "It's frozen to the ground"

Me: "Oh. There probably isn't a piece big enough anyway"

Him: "There might be, but it will have a crease that needs to be hammered out... or flattened with something."

Me: "Hey! Wait a minute! Isn't there a dishwasher laying upside down right beside our back step! What about the door to that thing?"

His typing stopped. This, people, this could be it. The moment beams of sunshine strike the earth and angels sing in perfect harmony.

I eyeballed the empty space in my kitchen where the dishwasher used to be. Then I grabbed the frame (kicking strategically-placed Scrabble tiles left and right) and held it in front of that gaping hole, trying to size it up.

It was going to be close.

Natural consequences

So cliché, but true. It was one of those days.

The kids caught me enjoying a mug of apple cider. Shortly after, the jug was empty. Boo hoo.



My little Bean fell into the toilet. When you have a really small behind, singing and dancing while you sit on the pot is not the very best idea. But like I've said before, she is a tough cookie and recovered from it surprisingly quick. Sometimes the best lessons are the ones with natural consequences.

The big rooster. *sigh* He decided to pick a fight with me.

I know that look in his eye. The way he cocked his head to the side and stepped toward me. That confrontational moment. If you don't know roosters, dear reader, let me tell you one thing. You never back down. Or you lose. You must always ALWAYS be the bigger rooster. Even when Spring seems to be on track for an early arrival and the big daddy roo-a-roo hormones are raging. The dude has long sharp spurs, and his attitude toward my small children depends on who he perceives as being in charge here.

That would be me. No room for error.

(Or my husband. I'm okay with that too.)

Red picked an interesting moment for the battle. I had just stepped out of the barn, holding my little girl, who was in turn holding two fragile eggs... which meant I didn't have a lot of speed or ability to put my actually-yes-I-am-the-bigger-rooster moves on him. You might think that gave him the advantage, but it only meant he wasn't as soundly punished as he might have otherwise been.

Don't worry. His ego was really the only thing bruised.

My first grader decided his school lunch was inedible. When you try to fuel your entire day on nothing but (okay, thankfully he had his hearty oatmeal breakfast) three cupcakes and a handful of baby-sized carrots... and then decide the pasta mom made for supper is gross... it makes everyone's evening rotten.

And then, when I splashed into rather than stepped through my kitchen, I decided it wasn't such a bad thing. Because the floor probably needed to be cleaned anyway. I tried to fix the problem, but it appeared I only made it worse, so I decided a bucket would be a fine temporary fix. I am many things, but a plumber? Not me. I have experience in my prior life in the exciting world of Biotechnology, where I did honestly try to be a plumber on occasion. It involved three hundred rabbits, a plugged drain, a shop vac and some duct tape. The whole truth, I swear.

I realized that with this amazing mild winter we've had, I could be using my clothesline. Something I love. I was sort of frustrated that it hadn't crossed my mind a few months ago.



So it seemed somehow appropriate that the next morning, my sheets were still tangled up out there, crusted with frost and flapping in the fog.

What Arnold doesn't know

***Warning*** This blog post may contain disturbing images. Mommas, cover your babies eyes appropriately.

ban·tam [ban-tuhm]
noun
1. a chicken of any of several varieties or breeds characterized by very small size.
2. a small and feisty or quarrelsome person.
adjective
3. diminutive; tiny: bantam editions of the classics.

We'll go with definition number one, although number two is fascinating and truly, I had no idea my Bean could be classified as such. I've mentioned a time or two that Arnold, he is an adorable little thing, fun-sized (as my friend Rachel would say). He is a mini-chicken. A Bantam.


That's a naked corn cob on the ground beside him, for comparison.

Except he doesn't know this.

Also, his size? The reason my own offspring aren't afraid of him.


The wrong kind of perspective, Arnold looks huge relative to my boy because the bird is way closer to the camera.

Being a Bantam isn't a handicap for Arnold. Oh, no. Not in the least. As I said, he doesn't know he is a Bantam, and I, for one, am certainly not going to suggest it to him. Being fully mature now, Arnold has taken on the responsibility of every single one of his Mr. Big-Stuff Rooster duties. His small stature hasn't *ahem* slowed him down any. At least it doesn't stop him from trying.

Big Red, on the other hand, gets business done.

If you know what I mean.


Oh, honestly. Didn't you always wonder how they did it?

Timing is everything. I tell you the sad truth: My littler boy just walked through here, stopped to tell me they broke the light in their room, glanced at the computer and.... "Mommy, what is that?" Life on the farm. People, he knows what that is.

Ummm... I totally lost my train of thought there.

Okay, so... I swear I didn't go looking for that photo opportunity.

Lucky timing. Lucky, I tell you.

Not to give you a visual, or anything. Really, as if I would do that? It's more like "stackable poultry" when Arnold mounts to the task with one of the big girls. After a moment or two the hen becomes impatient, although it's quite an impressive - dare I even say "valiant attempt" on his part. She shakes poor Arnold off since she has much better things to do (like scratching at the ground), and walks away. Then, of course, Arnold crows. Because he's such a big proud handsome successful fella, like all roosters are.

Or!

Lord have mercy. Red catches them in the middle of it.



This is the more humiliating option for our little hero.

It's easy to understand that Red finds this completely unacceptable, since he is The Ruler of The Universe. He runs at the busy couple and kicks Arnold in exactly the way that only a jealous rooster can, launching him straight into the air like a space shuttle headed for yonder far reaches of our atmosphere.

The good news? We do have three sweet tiny little Bantam hens.

The bad news? Arnold doesn't seem to have noticed them yet.

An Afternoon

We have the teeny tiniest bit of snow. It's almost comical. Last year at this time I'm pretty sure we had five thousand inches stacked up and blowing all over the place. I could probably dump a bag of flour on the ground and make a picture similar to this one. Except the dog and chickens are rude, and flour is edible. So, actually, no. I couldn't do this with flour.



I might have to try, though. Since I brought it up and everything.

Yet another January day that did not feel like a January day. I could so get used to this. Yet another weekday afternoon with merely an hour remaining until the school bus returns and I have to face the music. Four o'clock frightens me.

The singing competition between our two roosters became more interesting than drawing in the snow with naked corn cobs. We wandered that direction. Dust and I'd-rather-not-know-what-that-is sparkled in mid-air, caught by beams of light streaming through the barn. He was fascinated.



Sometimes I daydream about a vacation where I just sit in front of the barn, in the warm sunshine, with some of these fuzzy critters. The easy life. That's what this is. Especially when January is wearing March temperatures. Especially when you have a South-facing barn with white paint that creates a practically tropical micro-climate right there.



Did I mention planning my garden? I have big ideas for last year's sunflower stalks.



Did I mention how much we looooooove Arnold? We do. So much. Arnold, on the other hand, does not appreciate how much we admire his adorable little self. At all.

Run Arnold! RUN!!!


It looks like he's just standing there, but that is one of his legs up behind him. Running for his life.

Five-word Headlines

I've got an entire orchard full of blog topics just ripe for the picking. But you know how it goes, when ripe you must pick now, or they drop and rot into a squishy mess on the ground. And you have to make your way through what you've harvested within a relatively narrow window of time, or you're left with baskets of stinking blog topics in your entry-way that you really should have taken care of three days ago. By then, it's too late. And too dang bad if you used wicker baskets. Good luck getting those clean.

And so, I think (painful as it may be), I'll just let you skim the headlines. I haven't got a clue which to actually write. Eh, or none. Perhaps tomorrow will bring something even more exciting?


Aurora Supplier Fails to Deliver

iPad App Eliminates Rooster Predicament

Daughter Steals Dad's Jackass Calendar

Feminine Hygiene Product Review Thrills

Book Relocation Project Alarms Mother

Oppressed Hens Plead for Rescue

Dreadful Road Attacks Tire Again

Abandoned Christmas Tree Claims Corner

Kid's Brain Deletes Spelling Words

Mittens Missing, Boy Launches Attitude

Intriguing Shoelace Knot Kryptonite Discovered

Ladybugs Replicate on Cardboard House

Curious Preschooler Counts Snowman's Balls

Aurora Prediction

The space weather forecast is pointing to some of us Northerners seeing dancing colored lights in the sky tonight. The sun flare was a big one, and the coronal mass ejection it produced should hit Earth sometime today. If you've got clear skies tonight, look North. It's supposed to be a nice one.

Some useful and interesting links:

3-Day Space Weather Prediction

POES Satellite Map

Kp Index - should go into the red zone later today

Edited to add:

Real-Time Auroral Oval (map)

Short-term Forecast